William Hague speaks frankly about gay rumours

Brother to Brother - Film Review

PRIDE LONDON 2010

Tue 9 Mar, 2010.
by Casa Carter House of Rant

• A lesbian can change its spots
• Magic Numbers
• Triangles- The worst shape ever
• Compromise? Well you can if you want
• If it is not in the diary I can't hate gays
• Vagina PR
• Hairy not Mary
• Get out of Switzerland and stand in Trafalgar Square
• Location, Location, Time for a change of Vocation
• Playing chicken with retirement

Click here for Archive

Anyway the point is I hate triangles. It used to be technical fruit representation that I didn't like.

Triangles- The worst shape ever

I don't like triangle's. Apart from when the fit carpenter on the L Word tells Bette (with the use of a triangle) that you can only ever have two sides. 'You can have good and fast but then it can't be cheap, you can have fast and cheap but then it won't be good...'

Blah, blah, blah and we are back in the room: three, two, one. Sorry I was wandering off into the world of fantasy.

Anyway the point is I hate triangles. It used to be technical fruit representation that I didn't like.

My Blackberry dies frequently, I then have to phone Orange and speak to Paul in technical services, I speak to him more than the other half, Princess Diana said: 'There were three of us in that relationship' well in mine there is no Camilla just me, the Mrs and Paul.

Of course the reason that I have a blackberry is because my apple iphone died, I am over fruit. The day T-Mobile releases a good old reliable potato phone, I am there.

Anyway that was my old hate. The new object of my dissatisfaction is Triangles.

Triangles are warning signs and I should have known this when I walked into my life coach and she was sat there with a triangle cut out of a Sainsbury's Choco Snaps box. I pay her £50 an hour surely she can afford some bloody Coco Pops?

The point was that there are three areas of your life (points of the triangle if you will):

Relationship
Friends and Family
Work

Apparently in order to achieve a sublime god-like existence you need have all three going well. But in general terms that never happens. She (The Sainsbury's shopper who should be shopping at Waitrose but is saving all the pennies I give her to buy MY dream house in Italy and probably take MY girlfriend with her) says that you can only ever achieve two of those at a time and you need to pick which ones.

As I sat there holding the triangle thinking to myself: 'If she had bought Coco Pops the cardboard would probably be strong enough to take her eye out.' She looked at me and said:

"Well, Danielle what are you going to pick?"

Well if I don't have work, I can't pay her to depress me on a weekly basis, and I wouldn't be able to afford the prescription charge for the prozac.

If I choose my friends and family it won't work, I only manage to keep them now because they know I have a column in which I can rant and that means they don't have to listen to it.

And if I chose the other half, I won't have any money, I will be moping around the house all day ranting because my friends have left me, then she will run off with the life coach to Italy on my savings.

On the upside I will still have my technical fruit and therefore there will always be Paul...

Back to previous page